The Man Who I Married

TFOLT and I have spent the majority of our lives together. Some would say we married as mere children, but that is the farthest from the truth. We both knew what we wanted. We did not know much of the details but does any newlywed? Sometimes when I look back on life with TFOLT my heart feels pity and sadness for him. Of course life is not what was envisioned but the foundation is there. Life is better then we could have ever imagined. When TFLOT promised in sickness and help so long ago, we did even think to add and when your wife takes steroids. Maybe TFLOT should have been warned before hand, but neither of us knew the future. TFOLT has to put up with a lot when I am on prednisone. A little pill invented by the devil himself. The more I take over the years, the more the mood swings travel back and forth from one realm to the next. I elected in July not to take any prednisone when my arthritis was not be controlled well. The benefits did not outweigh the side effects. But in August, I found myself having a severe allergic reaction to another prescription drug. Prednisone was once again added to my pill regime. I can feel the anxiety and agitation build early in the morning shortly after popping the pill. When the sun finally goes down hours later, I can reboot and take stock of the causalities that I have left. TFLOT the one who I love most in the world, the person I am meant to be with is often the wounded. What comes out of my mouth, comes out with no thinking, no forethought, it is uncontrolled anger and hostility. The majority of the spewed words, I have spitted out, I have no idea I was even feeling that. Perhaps, I was not but that is what came out. I can apologize and within the same breath launch another hostile zinger at TFLOT. He is a strong man who barely gets his feather's ruffled in the melee. I wonder if he had glimpse of what his future would become if he still would have signed up. For him, it is not even a question he would ask. There would be no doubt or hesitation, he would do it all over again. I wonder why, am I really worth it?