A NEW YEAR!

I always feel like September should be the official start to the New Year. So many fun and excited things start in the fall versus the middle of winter. I have even found myself making a New Year's Fall's resolution to be more diligent in taking pictures. 

We have a had a very mixed summer filled with lots of highs and lots of lows. If I could do the summer all over again, I definitely would skip August. August has not treated us very well. Having taken 3 months off, just to enjoy life by living each day to the fullest and the best of ability has hopefully put me in a better place as a person just to survive. I am not going to Polly Anna this. It has been a rough journey. It is tough having this disease. It is tough having 5 members of one family suffering from this disease. As a mom, I only want the best for my kids. It is hard to internalize bad news day after day while you yourself are having devastating health problems. I have put my lower lip out and pouted a bit. I have shaken my fist towards Heaven. I have cried. I have curled up in a ball and cried some more. I have internally yelled at the stupidity of my body, for passing these genes on to my kids, for being so stupid "it" feels the need to attack "itself". Why yes, I now view my body as a third person, removed from my control as it obviously does not want to do what I want of it. I am not sure where this leaves me at as a person, hopefully in a better place. I know now that I have to be gentler on myself. I cannot not keep up the standard that I want and use to demand of myself. It is okay for me to say No. It is okay for me to say, that is not going to work for me, that is not going to work for my family. I have been practicing those statements a lot because you know what, I want more good days full of family memories that does not involve Children's and does not involve us being housebound. 

More days where we discover life changing moments with our children that has nothing to do with medical like this past week when our youngest inner fisherwoman came to light.