Retrouvaille

Love of mine some day you will die But I'll be close behind I'll follow you into the dark No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white Just our hands clasped so tight Waiting for the hint of a spark If heaven and hell decide That they both are satisfied Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs If there's no one beside you When your soul embarks Then I'll follow you into the dark

This past weekend TFOLT and I celebrated our two year anniversary of going to Retrouvaille. Hell is a very strong word to describe a marriage. I mean it is eternal damnation. So if I had to describe our marriage two years ago it would have to be purgatory. Being married to TFOL was like living in Purgatory. I knew some how there was a way out but I was not sure if it would be positive or negative (Heaven or Hell). I was not even capable of saying what was wrong…it was just bad everything was wrong nothing was right. No infidelity etc. but still bad. We would talk until we were blue in the face…it came to a point from these conversation that both of us was more interested in hurting each other for one perceived insult after another. I knew I was right and John knew he was right. It became more about proving each other wrong. Neither of us was hearing what the other was saying. Thank God for Retrouvaille. We achieved in one weekend what it would have taken probably two years in marriage counseling if ever to achieve…there is no way I was going to give our marriage two years. I could not imagine giving our marriage two more weeks that is how bad the pain was. TFOLT and I had gone a really long time not really communicating. We worked opposite shifts, and it was just easier to do what we wanted personally instead of what we needed to do as a couple. We had down what is called married but living single to a tee. When we started working the same shift, things got difficult. Good Lord! I had to see that man every evening. He felt the same way. All we did was fight. Meatloaf's lyrics circled my head more often then not:

I swore that I would love you to the end of time!

So now I'm praying for the end of time

To hurry up and arrive

'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you

I don't think that I can really survive

The only thing that we agreed on was what was wrong with our relationship. Neither of us wanted divorced. I got how marriage counseling works and I was not interested in spending years and fortune only to wind up divorced. Besides I really loved TFOLT. I just was miserable living with him and vice verse. I was positive, I could live a part from him but stay married. Yes I know that sounds crazy now but hey it sounded reasonable then. I was reading a bar magazine (legal magazine) at work and learned about Retrouvaille. It has something like a 98% success rate. People even attend who have been divorced and get remarried. Retrouvaille is a peer based marriage ministries. It is run by married couples that went through similar situations as you are in other words their marriage sucked. It is not counseling. You attend a 3 day weekend where you work one on one with your spouse. You never ever share with anyone but your spouse. I cannot tell you how much Retrouvaille was an answer to our prayers for TFOLT and me. The weekend was such hard work, but so gratifying. I have never cried so much in my life but mostly they were happy tears. Retrouvaille gave me back my marriage and my husband. I found the man I had fallen in love with. TFOLT and I have experienced two miracles in our lives with our marriage. The fact that we are married. John and I both agree we are married because of divine intervention and that our marriage was saved by the Grace of God. By the way our Retrouvaille weekend rates higher for both of us then getting married.